Fish ‘n’ chips Chas ‘n’ Dave  Shake ‘n’ Vac It seems if you want to be a great British institution, you need to abbreviate the ‘and’ to the much jauntier ”n”.  Bleach And Tonic.  Bleach ‘n’ Tonic, then?    Hmm.  Food for thought. Hmm indeed. Hang on a minute though.  Let’s take a look at […]

Bastard Hoover. Bastard, bastard Hoover.  Fuck them. Fuck ’em.  Dyson should roll into their HQ in armoured cars and flatten it.  Raze everything in a 20 mile radius to the ground and sow salt into the soil.  All memory of them should be expunged from the history books.  Hoovers should be hung from every lamppost […]

Slow, slow, fast. Life is slow. Life is fast. And time is revealed to be a lie. Phyisics says it is a steady, linear progression. But it’s not. It’s not at all. Inside each moment is another moment, a drop within a drop. Time refracts randomoly through them.  ‘Dying is like climbing a hill’ said […]

First things first. We’ve talked again and again about shitty, slapdash labelling on cleaning products. Detol really take the biscuit with this. Look at the words here: Some UPPER case, some lower, some a miXtuRe. How do they design their labels, like this: Apart from the vulva pink, it’s so unappealing on the shelf: We […]

Do you remember your first time? We do. It was a few years ago, in a Premier Inn in Hull. We were with the delightful Ms Tonic and our families. Hers: funny, well behaved etc. Ours, well, lets not go there. Temper tantrums in cafes. Refusing to use the toilet as they had been trained. […]

Us, recreating a spring waterfall in our sink in Manchester. At the moment we are watching an illegally downloaded copy of ‘La La Land’. They’re singing about sun. We’re sat in our antique armchair, scent spilling through the house. Life is not good. Of course it’s not. But, right at this moment it is not […]

Quick question:  Linguette.  Any ideas?  No, us neither.  When we saw this little beauty on our Friday night trip to the cleaning aisle (aka ‘date night’), we were intrigued.