Once we here at bleach and tonic com (‘the quirky side of cleaning’), roared drunken through the days and the ship wrecked dreams of the night. Once upon a high time, we snorted and roared, powder dry and soaking wet behind the skin.
Then one day, for reasons more complex than we are willing to explain, we sobered up. Almost immediately, it was boring. Now we watch ‘Newsnight’, and brush our teeth properly.
And we drink herbal tea. Whilst our ignored bottles in our drinks cabinet line up in serried ranks of mute accusation, we drink a lot of herbal tea.
We drink Taylors Sweet Rhubarb tea. We ignore the gin and the cider, we ignore the vodka, memories, whisky and rum. We ignore the pastis and, oh all those feelings, the beer and the fizzy wine and instead we drink Sweet Rhubarb tea and we are happy and we can wait to die. Oh yes we can.
We drink gallons of the fucking stuff. It tastes better than other teas, but nowhere near as good as alcohol, as whisky, or rum, or as sloppy wet memories. It tastes faintly too sweet, almost as if you think it’s unpleasantness is going to be thrilling, but it is not. If it reminds us of anything – and it does not – it would be of that sheen of sickly sweet sweat. The sweat you get on the person in bed next to you when you both wake up mid morning. Mornings when you wake not knowing where you are. Better mornings where you wake not knowing who you are, if only for a joyous moment. If only we had known at the that these, in fact, would be our happy days.
So if you’re going to stop drinking -and you should not – will you ever believe you used to love alcohol and is this an acceptable substitue? We’d say possibly. Peppermint tea is always the ‘goto’ in these situations – fuck all those people obsessing over coffee -but when the thrill of that wears off, this is a good substitute. Coffee just gets too much after a while, tea is a disgusting drink and the rest of the herbal range are too earnest. Sweet Rhubarb is rare enough to be vaguley hipster ish and most importantly of all as we have typed this all out, we have wondered and amazed ourself at the letters that make up the word ‘rhubarb’. That ‘h’ looks so lost and out of place doesn’t it? The whole word just looks so wrong. Maybe the wrongness is why we love it