How to clean a patio


There are no two ways about this, you either need 1000 scourers or a pressure hose. Yes, they are expensive but Aldi or Lidl or whatever normally have offers on them every month. As an aside, Bleach And Tonic has fallen head over heels in LOVE with Aldi, after falling head over heels OUT of love with Ocado. ‘Hi, oh look you’ve ordered £150 of groceries on a friday. Lets make sure we give you everything with a best before date of Monday. Love Ocado’




Anyway, we used the pressure hose of father in law man of Bleach and Tonic. There was a seperate disinfectant looking section, so we poured in a bottle of ‘Zoflora Sweet Pea’ (just for the hell of it really) and blasted away. A boring, dirty, tedious job, but very satisfying.

Cartoon Cocks

It’s very tempting to do all the glamour paving stones first but we did it paving stone by paving stone, section by section. We enlived it by, childishly, drawing a cartoon cock on the patio.



Watching the grime disappear is great:



Ultimately, it’s a dull job though. Just do it methodically and wear old clothes. There is none of the joy in pressure hosing a patio there is in discovering, say, a neglected windowsill thick with dust

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