First things first. We’ve talked again and again about shitty, slapdash labelling on cleaning products. Detol really take the biscuit with this. Look at the words here:
Some UPPER case, some lower, some a miXtuRe.
How do they design their labels, like this:
Apart from the vulva pink, it’s so unappealing on the shelf:
We have just noticed it cost £3. Quite an apologetically coloured label from Sainsburys there, no? As if they are ashamed.
A dreadful label. Simply dreadful. Look at this:
Why can’t Detol take tips from the greatest industrial design company in the world (after Zoflora)? Just pick one case and use it. Its like the graphic designer was trying to test whether their caps lock really was working or not.
I myself would have an arty picture of a pomegranate, say one you can freely steal from the internet:
Then just slap Detol on on white, to look classy. Get rid of that shitty 99.9% claim. Who gives a fuck, they ALL do that nowadays, they may as well have said ‘wet’. Get rid of the disconcerting * after the ‘Our number 1 formula on grease’. That just makes it sounds like it isn’t really their number 1 formula, but they are too ashamed to come out and say it. Finally whack the price up and wait for the £££ to roll in. Bing bang boom, done.
Then go for a drink, like this:
That’s a pomegranate cocktail in case you are from Liverpool and more used to Carling Black Label.
So, what it is it like to use?
First things first it’s a big old bottle. Far too big for Mrs Gin’s dainty hands. This is no bad thing, because a) she detests pomegrantes and b) she hates cleaning products in general. We know, right? We’ll just let that sink in. She swears – wrongly – that all the modern housewife needs is WASHING UP LIQUID. Washing up liquid.
“ACH, you don’t need any of that Zoflora rubbish” she says. “Washing up liquid is all you need”. Imagine living with that.
Even the pope would grant us a divorce were we to mention this to him. In fact, they would compel us to divorce.
you. just. need. washing. up. liquid.
We love chemicals. We love the taste of Detol on the skin, the sight of yellow bleach in the toilet, so much Linen Fresh it makes our eyes peel. And we love Pomegranates. So exotic. In those wanky books they sell in airports, like ‘The Kite Flier’, they always stand around freezing with a pocket full of Pomegranate Seeds and dirt. They are poor, yes, but man they are clever. When we buy pomegranates in Sainsburys we always think we’ll do something clever with them, but we never do. We just leave them in the fruit bowl till they go off and then buy another. We are rich, yes, but we are stupid.
So, the fact that this smells like Strawberry Hubba Bubba bubble gum rather than earnest Pomegranate is neither here nor there. It still smells like chemicals. To us, it’s delightful, to Mrs Gin it’s appalling but, then, most things are. Most things are.
It works pretty well, we wish it wasn’t such a big bottle though, it’s going to take us a week, at least, to use it up, which means we can’t have the thrill of choosing a new product when we take our daily constitutional down the cleaning aisle. We could never throw out an unfinished cleaning product. A shitty pomegranate, yes. But a pomegranate / hubba bubba scented cleaning product? Never!
Rest in peace, Roger.