Magic; thoughts? For me it’s always been a little bit dishonest. A little deciteful. A little, if we’re being honest – and what is cleaning if not honesty – dirty.
Odd to me, then, that I should have bought this. But we all behave in strange ways when faced with the allure of the cleaning aisle.
(Isn’t it awful, when in the supermarket you stumble instead of the cleaning ailse, into the hateful pet food aisle where they want to sell you bales of dusty dirty hay. Yuck!)
Flash magic eraser. Is there any place for magic in cleaning? I thought not. Mrs Gin sagely reminded me of Mary Poppins. Verbally, I mean. For the sake of accuracy I need to be clear. I don’t mean that I looked at Mrs Gin and was reminded of the fragrant Julie Andrews. Good god no. I don’t mean that for one minute. Mrs Gin is a lot earthier, shall we say.
I looked at the packaging (of the flash rather than Mrs Gin), and a few things caught my eye. They certainly like their colours in the flash packaging marketing company, and they are not afraid to play with both font sizes and case. In the supermarket, my first thought was not – as they might have hoped – enchantment, but rather I laughed.
I laughed and was reminded of Mrs Gin
A couple of things annoyed me. Firstly, the aforementioned magic. To be honest, (and what is cleaning etc), I was a bit off put, not by the claim itself but by the muted way in which it was made.
If I had unlocked a magical cleaning device, you could be sure as shit I’d be running through Manchester screaming about it. I’d hijack news bulletins in my joy. People would want to know
They didn’t even have the guts to put their claim about magic front and centre of their own blooming packaging.
Let’s be honest. (and what, etc), this is a very UK magic. Very shoe staring, muttering and shuffling. A banal magic, it has to be said. Their claim makes me think much more of this:
They were probably going for the whole cool thing, though. (As an aside, did you know Paul Daniels is on twitter? https://twitter.com/thepauldaniels
The window cleaner has been here all day. We should get an hour of extra daylight now.
— Paul Daniels (@ThePaulDaniels) March 25, 2015
Cleaning is no laughing matter Paul!
So, anyway, that annoyed me but what really boiled my piss was this;
If there is one thing I can’t stand it’s when companies use the * but then don’t have an explanation for it. Dear Flash, it just looks shifty. Like somewhere, in 0.001 font you have *doesn’t really work.
These bastards have used the * with no explanation twice! once for Squeeze and once for Rinse. They would, I would have thought, been the two words on the whole packaging which required the least amount of clarification. I would all too happily buy something that said this is literally magic (asterix) but what is so ominous about the humble words ‘Rinse’ and ‘Squeeze’? I’d have thought Erase! (* subject to certain chemical constriants being met) would be much more likely.
So, I hated it.
And then I used it.
It’s become part of my desktop staple:
With a squirt of zoflora into it, this thing is unstoppable. In the past 12 hours, I’ve used it to clean the fireplace, the outside of the oven, the cupboard doors, around lights and my laptop. Admitedly, the laptop screen has gone a bit funny but apart from that, it’s a massive 10/10 bleach and tonic recommends!
See you next time, if there is one