How to murder your wife with Oven Pride Oven Cleaner

We’ve been here before, we know. Time and again we’ve talked about murder and, you know, spouses. But it’s a popular topic. Admittedly, it’s not popular at all with our readers but for some reason looks sly at Mrs Gin it is with us.

So fuck you because the pen is mightier than the sword and we’re doing this again. But is the pen mightier than the axe? What about an obsessively sharpened kitchen knife? We’d have to say emphatically non. (that French ‘Non’, meaning ‘No’, is in solidarity with our European brothers and sisters. We love you Europe. Fuck you Farage)


Let’s say – and to the Greater Manchester Police we say, again, this is all just for fun – but let’s say one day you snap. Let’s say she goes on and fucking on about her day at fucking work so long you just can’t take any more. Sorry for the sexism there but how many men can talk for three hours about their day at work? Exactly.

She’s talking.
You say:

“Please stop”

She’s talking
You say:

“I beg you”

She’s talking
You say:

“It’s for your own good”

But she’s talking about Carol again

You’ve never met Carol, you wouldn’t know her in the street, but you know all about Carol’s Machiavellian schemes to avoid doing the rota, and ultimately to seize control of the HR department at the plastic bag factory where your wife works. Let’s just (for fun) say that one day whilst your wife is explaining – in excruciating detail -the passive aggressiveness of the weekly staff meeting running order, you snap.

“And I said why can’t we talk about the seating because it’s ridiculous that Claire has to have the window seat and if I moved there I’d be next to Sally but Carol said it was too much hassle and Claire would just play the disabled card if we tried that again and then Carol asked if I had done the memo about the course on equality and I mean it’s ridiculous, but she is making me to do it to punish me because I think Jo told Miranda about what I said to Aysa about Kerry and of course Carol wants me to just leave, and she did her smile again, you know the one that really winds me up it’s all superiror, just because she sticks her chest out whenever Brian comes in the office, but I’m not doing that but then I said we should talk about the seating plan again, if not then the car park allocation and then…”

You do something foolish:

Oh my god what have I done

What do you do now?

Why didn’t you just stop talking

You say, but it’s no good talking to her, not anymore (And again, remember this is all just for FUN). Not that it ever was, really. In a way…not to say she deserved it at all, that’s going to far…but.

Anyway. You pull yourself together. You can get up to 18 months in prison for murdering your spouse and you don’t want to miss the final of Euro 2016.

Well if you’ve got your wits about you this is where Oven Pride Oven Cleaner comes into play

This stuff can clean up any mess.

Those boffins at Oven Pride have discovered the strongest chemical in the world. It can dissolve anything.


We used it to clean our oven. Look at all this gunk that came out of it.

We tipped that down the sink and turned the hot water on and in a moment all trace of it had gone.

Whilst the dirt from the oven was dissolving, we got to work with our arsenal.

Are we being subtle enough?

Good luck finding er finding dust after we have finished with this lot.

With our oven suddenly deciding it wanted to go for a walk along the bank of the fast flowing river, which is perfectly normal behaviour and something it used to do all the time, although we have to say we worried about the dizzy spells it had been having recently, in silence we sat down to enjoy the football.

Oven Pride. Cleans anything. Anything. They can have that as an advert.

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