In this day and age, no one really likes spaghetti bolognese do they? It’s just food matter. If we lived in a computer simulation, when our gods couldn’t be arsed making us cook nice food, they’d just click distractedly on an icon for spag bol and we’d just go through the whole boring process of onions, mince, red wine, tomatoes, basil and any left over veg in the fridge.
Blimey, imagine how bored you’d be if you played my life as a game
We sit there and watch Mrs Gin eat it and watch her try to say nice things about it whilst also trying not to lie, outright and we smirk. Spag bol isn’t nice. It’s nothing.
How we loathe that abbreviation, spag bol, by the way. It reeks of early 80s A level Art complacency.
And that is because, back in the 80s, spaghetti bolognese was a big deal and abbreviating it showed how arty you really were. How casual you were with art and alternative culture. It was a glamourous food, no doubt about it. As a youth, we remember lots of sit coms where the hero, some pipe smoking no nonsense English man, would have to eat a plate of this fancy dan food – with hillarious consequences!!!. We remember Grandma bleach proudly boasting about how she was better than the neighbours at cooking. We have a strong childhood memory of seeing her at the back garden fence (the garden spiralling away into sun lit fields, each path through the fields seemingly leading to infinite possibilities. Sadly it seems none of them led to anywhere near happiness)
Grandma Bleach would boast sly to the hateful neighbour as we slunk like a soldier through the garden on the way to the fields and adventure:
“What are you having for tea?”
“We’re just having spaghetti bolognese. It’s very easy”
But, over time, what was glamorous becomes banal
Perhaps, again sadly, we’ve seen much the same thing with scented toilet bleaches.
Where once there was just the binary choice betweeen stolid Domestos or skidmarks, now scented bleaches are commonplace.
Often we pick one up as a whim, when we feel weary with life and we can’t be bothered to think about Dettol Vs Zoflora
What once glamorous and foreign – ‘citrus’, ‘alpine pine’, is now just banal. As default as ol’ Spag Bol.
Having said that though, just because it is banal, we do have expectations.
This stuff is the direct opposite of Aldi Powerforce Toilet Get.
Where that had a pleasant odour but clung around for days, this stuff is the magnetic opposite. We can assure you in the interests of research, we stuck that nozel up there right up our hooter. Right up. And you know what we smelt? That morning’s dettol on the floor. It smells of nothing, of nothing at all. And, what’s more, whilst the Aldi rubbish cloyed like wet clay, this stuff can’t wait to wash off. You pour it down and never see it again.
The most intersting thing about it is seemingly safe for vegetarians:
Not the most interesting of groups to target, but very early 80s oh so alternative. The type of wanker who would abbreviate spaghetti bolognese to spag bol.
Co-op and vegetarians. You deserve each other and you deserve this insipid piss down your toilet. Us? We’re going to have a steak for lunch and then reclean with dettol.
Summary: Avoid unless you like the early works of the pop group ‘everything but the girl’