Review: Shake ‘n’ Vac Vanilla.

A rhapsody in plain

For the cleaner, the humble corner shop:

can engender the same emotions that Hay on Wye can on the Bibliophile.

For them with their fucking linen suits and hats, euphoria is derived from stumbling over some rare edition of Dickens or what have you. For me, rapture, over this:

Shake ‘n’ vac Magnolia and Vanilla.

Magnoilia and Vanilla. Don’t the words just drip languid and creamy? Thinking about them, I was thinking that they sounded like a pair of matched detectives, but then I realised I was thinking about Rosemary and Thyme. Magnoila and Vanilla. Perfect.

Bleach and Tonic loves shake ‘n’ vac but to date, throughout its entire existance, we’d only thought they produced them in two flavours; the deliciously cloying sweet lily and the slightly hayfeverish Citrus one.

When we sourced this beauty in our local corner shop, Iqbals, we went into full on wine wanker mode.

Where did you source this? Are there any more flavours? Isn’t it just wonderful? Immediately after we paid, we opened and sniffed. He looked at us, a long look. Almost as if there was supposed to be a message conveyed in the look

Although the cleaner had been, we ran home, went to the top of the stairs and in the heavy sun, shook two heavy streams out above the stairs. They descended beautifully and we were reminded of all those vietnam war documentaries where they show americans dropping agent orange on forests. A definite plus point.

The particles dissapeared into the pile as they do with the other flavours, sometimes if you put them on too thickly you can see a white smudge, but we love doing it so that you can’t see them, just smell them, then when you hoover up, you see the particles whir in the cylander.

God my spelling is terrible, sorry

Oh the smell, the smell was of summer of light and of vanilla. It smells as if you have poured a bottle of this onto your carpet: Long derired as plain,

Its not plain at all, just demure. Understated and wonderful. Chocolate ice cream is for idiots who think that dancing means they enjoy life more. Vanilla is for those who see beauty in clean corners. Sunlight, truth.

In a way, there is an essential truth in Shake ‘n’ vac magnolia and vanilla. the truth that if you put it on your carpets, your house does not smell of plain, it smells of understated beauty. I want to shower in it.

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