We would love to lie to you.
We would love to say Mrs Gin has sensationally banned Dettol from the house, and that’s why.
We would to say Zoflora blocking us (again) on Twitter was the reason, or that we’ve fallen out of love with them since we worked out they voted brexit
We would love to blame brexit. In fact, even though it’s not true, we will. Fuck you, leave voters. I know we’re all supposed to ‘pull together’ and come together behind judas May, but we won’t. We shan’t. We can’t. We make a point, as a matter of fact, of refusing to give our seat up on the tube to old people now, or let them out at junctions. If we had our ways, we would roam old aged persons homes armed with a clea….actually let’s move on.
Yes, Mrs Gin has banned Dettoll, claiming outrageously it smells like piss. To us, it smells like heaven, like chemistry and like history and every school child in Britain out to line up for a sniff of the stuff before registration every morning
The reason we haven’t updated this blog is that we could not be fucking arsed.
But now we can be arsed, albeit not arsed enough to fix most of the old images links, yeah, sorry about that.
And we’re back with this badboy.
Sainsburys (the second best supermarket) Kitchen Cleaner With Bleach.
Now, this is a little cracker. We’re doubly pleased with this little unit. Firstly, it’s gloriously ameturish. Look at the bottle with that label. How much time, really, was spent designing that? I’d say a day and a half, with a good lunch in the middle. A shitty orange photoshop of a kitchen, the ubiquitous 99.9% slogan – seriously, why do bleaches say this anymore? Remember when Domestos first dropped the ‘all known germs dead’ bomb back in the 80s?
That was a bombshell, then, yes, but to go on and on about it still is just boring. It’s like my phone boasting it is 1g. So what? Get with the times, brexit voter.
To the casual cleaning product designer, they probably think ‘this is not the life I dreamt of, it’s not even the life I was worried about. screw it, I’ll just put on the 99.9 sticker we always use, then I’ll colour the kitchen almost the same as the nozzle. Finally, I’ll just put this enigmatic product number at the bottom of the sticker.
So, one for the conspiracy theorists alright, but also one for the cleaner conisseur, too
This is because it smells EXACTLY like Dettol. REJOICE! REJOICE!
“Have you been spraying Dettol again?” sniffs Mrs Gin accusingly
“No dear” I say
“Are you lying to me again” she peers at me. We’ve been married a long time.
“No dear” I say “I love you”
She sniffs unimpressed, but in this instance I am telling the truth, about bleach if about nothing else. Not like love, Bleach is too important to lie about