The lie of the air freshner

Most offensive advert ever made? Easy! Anything by Febreeze

Take this horror show for instance. Let’s ignore the UK voice over of what is clearly an American advert and focus on what they are actually saying. What they’re saying – and we are sorry if you find this upsetting – is that cleaning is redundant. Want to clean a teenager’s bedroom? Easy! whip off the sheets and open the window wide. Except no. No, according to febreeze, three blasts of aerosol and you’re golden.

We don’t think so.

We’ve recently been dabbling in air fresheners ourselves. This is due to a long and boring story. (We basically got a cat by accident and the little bastard won’t fuck off)

The smell of the little blighter has led to us experimenting with ever stronger freshners. Screw the risk of cancer, we require the smell of drying linen in our house at all times.

The problem is is that none of these blooming things actually work.

Oh sure, they lurk behind the TV and give off an unsettling squirting noise every so often. In fact, Mrs Gin was so unsettled she thought it was our cat fighting (!).

These things don’t actually clean though, they just mask. That’s our problem with them. Dousing a sleeping teenager with the stuff or even spraying it on their sheets just won’t work and believe us we’ve tried. No, there’s no substitute for it, you need to get in there and clean.

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