We at Bleach and Tonic (‘The Lighter Side of Cleaning’…and yes we are aware that slogan is getting tiresome now) had a fascinating cleaning based conversation in Kew Gardens last week.
We had ventured down south to a garden….
Maybe it’s just us, but that just sounds a bit…sexual. That really does sound disgusting. We have an awful image in our heads now about the fragrant Mrs Gin. An appalling image, really. No, no, no that won’t do at all. Let us tell you all that silly nonsense has long since stopped, thank goodness.
Let’s go on.
Reluctantly, and against our better wishes, we had been chivvied by the formidable Mrs Gin to go down south to an expensive, well maintained garden.
If anything that sounds even worse. Let’s start again.
We went to Kew. In case you don’t know it, it’s where the sublime Taylor’s Rhubarb Tea is from. As a garden, to be honest, it wasn’t up to much:
“There’s a flower, there’s another one, there’s another tree, wow that one is from Africa, it does kind of just look like a normal tree tho, let’s press on, push past all these middle class people, ok, flower, flower, tree, tree, plant, thought we’d finished that section, tree, shall we go and get a cup of tea?”
So, yeah, Kew…not amazing.
The other week we went to an open garden event in our super secret home town (Manchester), and that was much better. The good thing with that is that you get to snoop around people’s houses, you can peer through the back windows when you’re pretending to be looking at ponds and whatnots. Pretend you’re lost and wander into garages. Inspect the contents of freezers and so on. Last year we went to this garden and – we shit you not – the owner was in their back garden, sat at a table in their garden with a pot of coffee and a newspaper. On the table was a violin. A violin, if you please. Like ‘Oh yes I’d totally forgotten it was an open garden today, gosh I’d made other plans. Well I’m just gonna sit here and maybe play the violin like it’s no big deal 200 people are looking at my plants.’ It was hilarious. So we would recommend an open garden over kew, any time. Except we had an intriguing conversation at Kew which has got us thinking.
There was a gap in the conversation which we sensed was turning awkward so to fill it we fell back on our stone cold classic conversation starter:
“We really love Zoflora Linen Fresh you know” we said.
“Interesting” our friend said. “It’s good yes, but it’s not the greatest cleaning product”
Well right there and then we nearly fell over.
“Say that again” we said, with all the menace we could muster. The Thames was nearby.
“Zoflora’s good yes. It’s amazing. We all love it” (we relaxed) “But the best product currently in the UK domestic cleaning market is ‘Lime Away'”
We were floored.
“Lime Away?” we asked
“Lime away” they confirmed
“Lime away” we repeated, definitely not so that this site would come up top in Google for a ‘Lime Away’ search
“We’ve never heard of Lime Away” we said. There and then we fired up our phone and googled it. It looked expensive.
“Don’t even think about it” Mrs Gin said in a low voice as she saw us hover on the ‘Add to basket’ icon.
For once, she was right. We could not justify spending 96 quid on lime remover.
“It’s the most amazing thing” our friend said. Once again, our finger hovered. Mrs Gin confiscated our phone as our friend said “It cleans everything, showers, baths, everything. Not just limescale, everything”
We looked with pleading eyes at Mrs Gin but alas it was in vain. We’re allowed our phone back next week. In the meantime, if anyone does have a sample of Lime Away that they can send to us, please please do. Better than Zoflora? Impossible! Impossible, yes, but nevertheless, intriguing.
We left home and came home in the rain to Manchester. Looked at the scale free sink and sank into sadness. We have open garden days, just like fancy london does. Why oh why can’t we have limescale too?