Today’s Zoflora Situation is absent

My family have been maculating – and don’t worry I had to google that word too – my house for a week. That sounds a bit dirty. You really need to go and look that word up to see that it does not render that sentence Operation Ore worthy. Go on. I can wait here longer than you.



On the off chance you didn’t, maculating just means ‘making a mark’. I’d have guessed it was something cows do with grass. I could have just said ‘making a mess’, but to be honest with you, I wanted to show off. Does the have words like that in its articles about Zoflora? Does it fuck. FUCK the reviewaddict dot com. Not even going to give it the satisfaction of linking to it. Don’t you DARE go there from here.

Anyway, my family have been rendering my house rebarbative (another one!) for a week, but rather than chase after the mess macbethian, their spots to my zoflora I am leaving it.

Tomorrow we are getting a cleaner. I am very nervous. I like her very much – when we were talking she went on about ‘the holy trinity of cleaning products’ but it feels odd not tidying for her. She lives in a bungalow.

So today, the zoflora situation is a conundrum. Absent.

I’m getting all these long words from that book on the right of my laptop. Only on page 15 and had to look up loads already.

I’m going to make a cake for the cleaner. I hope to persude her to have some with me, as a forsahdowment to friendship (there’s no point googling that bad boy. I made it up).

I have lots of conversational gambits ready for her about zoflora in case the conversation becomes awkward again. (Did she know Zoflora was invented in 1922, the year the BBC was also invented etc etc). I am sure she will like me and, eventually, her body language will be less of a concern to me

And I have noticed two spiders web in the downstairs toilet. tomorrow? I wonder about cleaners. I do.

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