Another week done. Bleach and Tonic cavorted ==wild== in Bridgend last week, which, despite the internet containing absolutely everything the human mind can imagine, is nevertheless not a sentence you’d expect to read online.
We had a great time, had a motivational speech, a nice dinner (in the ‘Spoons) and a train back to a house which had missed us for 3 days, and had protested, dirty, as a result.
And, as a result of that result, it being Friday and time to kick back and relax after a hard week, we got back and cleaned, joyous. The object we used to clean with was this week’s review; Waitress Power Bleach Citrus. Our sample was sent to us as part of our Waitrose’s week’s shop.
It’s actually a really great bleach, but who’s going to know that? Who’s going to want to buy this based on the packaging?
You can see the first impressions are, once again, depressing. Can you imagine Apple sending an iMac out with packaging as shit as this?
No, no you cannot
And, yet, apparently it’s fine for Waitrose to do so. Get a bloomin’ iron, Waitrose. Those creases look as slovenly as an untucked shirt.
Aside from the terrible sloppiness of the packaging, a couple of things stand out: The inconsistent capitalisation strikes again, with a seemingly randomised ‘p’ looking too big for the packaging and the words ‘bleach citrus’ running uncomfortably together. The ubiquitous (and so pointless) 99.9 germ kill claim (as we have seen so many many times before) is also sadly still present. Given that everyone from the wonderful Zoflora to the hateful Toilet Duck all claim the same 99.9% stat, why not use the space for a better claim (e.g. ‘as endorsed by Bleach and Tonic. Believe us, we are open for sponsorships).
The best thing about the packaging is the sudden coyness they get at the bottom of the packet. This is at odds with the lid, which somehow reminds me of a baboon’s dick, the severity of the black and the vagueness of the yellow log. After all that, suddenly, we get coy.
Removes stubborn stains.
What do they mean by that, eh? We’ll tell you, they mean shit stains.
More coyness around the parfum of this unit. Citrus. Hmm.
What the fuck is a citrus smell? Can you answer me that? Of course you can’t, and I’ll tell you for why. Because it does not exist.
Citrus is just so vague as a flavour. Do you get ‘citrus ice cream’ or would you have a gin and tonic with a slice of ‘citrus’. Of course not. And yet they palm it off on us hapless fans of cleaning products
Online, the vagueness appears even more pronounced where they get coy listing the ingredients:
Perhaps it is like coca cola, and the secret ingredients are so valued that they cannot risk giving them away online. Either that or someone pressed the wrong button when they were uploading the ingredients to the website.
Still, it’s good to know its suitable for vegans. Next time we have a vegan around, we’ll be sure to use this as a mixer with the gin.