Worrying times: Is Zoflora RIP?

Apologies for the horrific blurriness but when we saw this we fainted. Look at this. Just look at this. There’s so much more shelf space dedicated to the dubious Astonish brand than there is Zoflora.

Pissy herbal tea

The Zoflora is cornered into the edge of the shelf, bottom row. Let’s be honest; that is not a good place to be. That’s like us at the disco 1992-1994, stood in the corner, sneering with our Robert Smith hair and blackcurrant and cider. You never get any action in that position, trust us on that. Trust us.

Method is the top dog of the cleaning aisle at the moment. It just goes to show how backwards the aisle as a whole is when something with even minimal aspirational branding can achieve so much. Method is the Twinnings herbal tea of brands; insipid, flavourless and weak. Imagine another industry, say phones, computers cars, or whatever having such shit branding.

But still it dominates. As Method continues its rise, there is less space for the stalwarts (Zoflora). It’s being further undercut by some Brexit type upstart; Astonish. In a borrishly bigger box with a knock off shirt, beered up and dominating the dance floor with its hatefuly unselfconscious moves. It reminds of of 1993 all over again. As we stood in the corner, clearly better than anyone and waiting to be discovered, some upstart strides onto the dance floor of the cleaning aisle (er..), squashing Zoflora into the corner as the shoppers make envious eyes at it. We know what happens next. The upstart swaggers off into the night, for a kebab and a girl. And us, in our corner? A big, fat nothing.

Worrying times indeed.